"It's doubly sweet to deceive the deceiver."

Jean de La Fontaine
FABLES
1668

"Who is this goofball?" Frank Maloney snapped to his siblings who would listen at the vast dinner table. "Or should I say goombauh? Mr. Steinmetz! You are the lawyer here. This is uncalled for!"

Frank's bile was aimed at the squat, olive skinned man who walked in with the short lawyer, Abe Steinmetz. This man in the ill-fitting navy blue suit glanced at Abe and then at Frank. His eyes focused on the other six members of the Maloney family sitting around the oval table before the squat man soothed back his oiled hair.

Abe assured Mr. Maloney with his deep voice, "Frank, this is Mr. Toripelli, the man your mother contacted through me to secure the will. He will guide you through it."

Frank's brother Denny, a curly haired man with steely eyes, frowned. "Not you?"

Mr. Toripelli scratched a chin smitten with five o'clock shadow and observed the family exchanging doubtful looks as the small lawyer held up both hands. "No, no. Audrey wanted me to have no part in this process! My hands are clean!" Abe stepped to the door of the room in Audrey Maloney's vast mansion and said, "I wash my hands of the brood of you!"

Maureen Maloney-Davenport, thrice married, thrice divorced, fumed at Mr. Toripelli, "Well, I was never consulted about this! Mother was getting soft in the head toward the end!"

Sean Maloney and his thin life partner, Sheridan, rolled their eyes and held hands. Sean's plain face flushed as he glared at Mr. Toripelli. "Well, let's have it."

Mr. Toripelli cleared his throat and opened his briefcase on the curio cabinet near the entrance to the kitchen. "Mrs. Maloney, a long time widower, contacted me a few months ago." His voice was rough, full of abuse of cigarettes and harsh liquor.

Frank muttered to his wife, "Dago, grease ball! Can hardly speak the language! This is the bastard we have to trust with our endowments!"

Toripelli knew Frank meant for him to hear the words but went on looking at his papers in the case anyway. "Since all of her six children are present, Audrey wanted to convey her profound disappointment in all of you. Never have four boys and two girls produced enough shame and disgust for the wife of an old importer as you have."

"Yeah, yeah," Maureen sighed. "Just tell me if I get that rocking chair of grammas!"

Mr. Toripelli wiped his sweaty brow with a folded hanky and said, "She wanted to let you know that all of her possessions and cash will be given to her grand-daughter Mary who has took religious orders in Madison, Wisconsin. Mary informed me all of this would go to a crisis pregnancy center and to a right to life organization. Mrs. Audrey Maloney wanted me to be the executioner of her estate - "

Frank seethed, "Dumb guinea bastard! It is executer of the estate, fool."

The Maloney siblings shared a mild laugh as the big man put down his hanky and reached into his brief case. "No sir, I beg to differ," Mr. Toripelli explained to Frank as he produced an automatic pistol with a silencer screwed on the tip. "For all of you ungrateful kids, who didn't once come to see your mama or even consider following her religious guidance, may God have mercy on her soul."

Frank laughed at the sight of the husky man with the gun. "Is this a joke? If it is you wop cocksuc-"

Toripelli's jaw jutted a bit as he aimed at Frank. "I promise you, number one son, I didn't mis-speak. I am executioner of the estate, for sure."

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